Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
