I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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