Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
