HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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