i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
My liver just had a heart attack.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
