Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I need to calm my uterus...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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