I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
