I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
