I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you didnt know i had herpes?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
i need some magic done to my vagina
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
