New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
