Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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