He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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