THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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