Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
