i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
