I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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