I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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