I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
