The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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