I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
