for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
