Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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