Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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