...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
you never un-have a 4some
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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