Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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