I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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