dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
