okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
