I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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