his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
