i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize