i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
