i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
