yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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