she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
