I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize