it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
my being single is dangerous.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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