She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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