oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
