This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
