I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
