I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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