First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
