What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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