I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
