Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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