then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
