Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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