worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
