I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
