i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
