The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
