I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
