Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
