her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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