this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
