oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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