If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
