I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
