I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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