I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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