a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
