I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
