i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
