worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Randomize
