love makes seman taste better
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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