bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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