I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
