Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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