I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
