if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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