Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize