So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
