If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
