Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
