so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
