someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
