why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
