dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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