she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize