After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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