i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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