He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
