I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
