I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
