He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
