my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
