It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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