everyone is single if you try hard enough
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
